Entertainment Making
by empirium
Summary: Fili and Kili are really, really obnoxious about being in love.


Bilbo was rather shocked at how Fili and Kili treated each other even though they were brothers; it wasn't something that was commonly done, as far as he knew, amongst houses of Men and Elves. It certainly didn't happen with Shire-folk. To be fair, he knew little to nothing about dwarven customs and if siblings could lay with one another, then who was he to criticize?

In little time, the shock had worn away to fondness and then to annoyance.

He would never begrudge Fili and Kili their love, he saw how deeply they cared for each other as plain as day, but it was certain aspects that irritated him so.

It was the kissing.

The constant, constant kissing.

Whether it was on their ponies or at dinner by the fire or even in the dead of night, they were inseparable and sometimes, it made for awkward moments.

Bilbo liked Fili and Kili well enough, when they weren't being mischievous and sneaky—and most especially, lovelorn—for when they were, they were intolerable to be around. He really wished that they would be able to abstain from kissing for an hour. Or even half an hour. It couldn't be that much to ask.

"Fili—" Kili had his voice pitched low, but it was as loud as a shout to Bilbo's sensitive ears. He pulled his make-shift pillow farther over his head, hoping to drown out the noises coming from across the camp.

"Shh, you're too loud," Fili replied, chuckling. "You'll wake the others."

Bilbo wanted to scream: "I _am_ awake, you dolts!" but he refrained from making a noise when Kili moaned throatily.

Luckily, he wasn't the only one woken up by them and Balin let out a pointed cough.

"Sorry," the two of them chimed innocently and Bilbo relaxed. He heard the sound of bedrolls being rearranged and Bilbo set his head back down, ready to get some sleep before the sun rose.

He had just started to drift off when the wet smacking noises started again and Bilbo stifled a scream. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Fili and Kili were rather sweet, the sappy, romantic part of Gloin had decided. They reminded him a bit of how he had been with his wife years ago and he vowed to himself that when he returned home to Ered Luin, the first thing he was going to do was woo her anew.

But even he admitted that the two were incessant in their displays of affection. It made him irritable and homesick and he found himself opening his treasured locket more and more and it was driving him crazy. He wondered when would the two of them stop.

* * *

Balin didn't care much for the public show of romance Fili and Kili had. He had known the two since they barely reached his knees and this sort of mischief was not beyond them. He knew that the two of them saw their displays of affection as a strange sort of game to pass the time with and sometimes, it was amusing to see those in their company become speechless in the wake of their show.

He did wish though, that Fili and Kili would put their clever brains towards useful situations instead of misbehaving.

They were being overly demonstrative at dinner, whispering into each other's ears and feeding each other little bites.

Poor Bilbo hadn't even finished his dinner before declaring himself not hungry, letting Bombur take his leftovers. Nori had also set his dinner aside and pulled out a flasket of wine—Mahal knew where he procured that from. Balin sighed and continued to eat his food, determinedly not paying any attention to Fili or Kili.

As much as he loved the lads, sometimes he wanted to throttle them.

* * *

Oin was mostly deaf and very glad for it.

* * *

It had been ages since they've come across a river that wasn't ice-cold or flowing too quickly and everyone welcomed the idea of a bath. Dwalin hadn't been picky, but he was starting to suspect that his smell had been putting off the game in the forest, not to mention the amount of grime that was building on his skin was starting to become alarming.

It was a warm day and everyone stripped off and entered the river, splashing and laughing. Unexpectedly, it had felt good to soak in the water and cleanse himself. The water made him feel lighter and his mood improved drastically. He even smiled.

The smile quickly disappeared from his features when he heard a noise. Everyone else still in the waters heard it too and froze.

"Don't tease me," Kili groaned loudly and lasciviously. There was an answering chuckle and words too low for anyone to hear, but everyone—including Dwalin—was backing out of the river.

When they were a distance away, Dwalin chanced a glance back.

Fili and Kili—those little conniving bastards—were floating merrily upon the water, the whole bank to themselves.

* * *

Bifur didn't care much for Fili and Kili's romance. Though they were young, he trusted them to know what they were doing.

But if he caught them kissing on top of his bedroll again, he was putting an axe through their skulls.

* * *

Nori was not one for sweet nothings or sugared words; rather, he found it unnecessary. He liked his whores and his one night stands where fancy words were not needed.

The way Fili and Kili were with each other—sweet until it was sickening to bear witness to—had Nori rolling his eyes at them almost every time they interacted. It drove Dori up the proverbial wall, but that was only one upside to the many downsides.

For example, when they were separated, which wasn't often, they would sigh and mutter and talk like lovelorn girls.

"Fili's the best," Kili said with a particularly loud sigh.

They were separated as punishment for the night before, joking about orcs that had Thorin in a foul mood for most of the day. Nori didn't care much for the mood of Thorin Oakenshield as it had no real effect on him, but what he did mind was having to listen to Kili fawn over his absent brother. Fili, along with Dwalin, was sent off to hunt for food whilst the others made camp. It made no sense to Nori to send Fili instead of Kili, the only one amongst them that could wield a bow with any sort of accuracy.

"You're in the way, lad," Bombur scolded as he moved through the campsite, toting his pots and pans.

Kili scooted over a fraction too close. Nori scooted farther away.

"The way his hair shines in the day is as bright as the sun itself," Kili sighed again. "The curve of his lips are more playful than the moon."

Nori suppressed a groan and tried to not think about killing the young prince in broad daylight. Thorin probably wouldn't take too kindly to it.

Probably.

He'd be justified.

* * *

Bombur always knew when Fili and Kili were up to no good; those nights, he'd get extra helpings from all the other dwarves who've lost their appetites.

* * *

Ori quite liked Fili and Kili. Their sunny dispositions were always a joy to have around, especially with such a serious quest, but Dori was in the habit of mothering Ori to death. He was certain Fili and Kili noticed too, since there had been more than one occasion on their journey eastward that they would have their ponies walk on either side of his, should the road allow it.

Dori hated it as Fili and Kili would often tell Ori about smithing or weapons or sometimes, even drunken fist fights they got into in towns of men. Ori seriously thought Dori was going overboard when he told the two to stop telling sordid tales for the innocent. Ori had frowned very deeply at that because everything they said sounded like it was straight from a fantastical storybook, despite the strange words they used sometimes.

Ori encouraged them, ignoring Dori's protestations. Following his example, Fili and Kili paid Dori no heed.

"—so Fili gripped my sword—"

"—but he had poured too much oil in his haste so I couldn't even get a proper hold—"

"—and when he thrusted forward—"

Somewhere behind them, Bilbo Baggins made a muffled screaming noise.

Ori, however, was on the edge of his seat. "So?" he asked. "What about the bet? Did you win the fight?"

* * *

Dori was going to murder the two of them in their sleep for corrupting poor, sweet, innocent Ori.

But he was much more sensible than that and much more polite than the two foul things whispering terrible stories into Ori's ears.

Royalty or not, he was going to have a thorough talking-to with Thorin.

* * *

Thorin had learned long ago that when his nephews were bored, they tended to act out. The slow journey to Erebor was no exception.

Fili and Kili's antics this time weren't solely directed at him this time, which made it more bearable, but Thorin was getting the feeling that everyone else in the company was slowly moving towards murder. He figured after one afternoon of hard riding that he'll give everyone a break from his nephews.

"Fili, Kili," he called. "Watch the ponies."

Hours later, he was stuck in a sack screaming about parasites. As much as he loved his nephews, sometimes Thorin really, really wondered how they were related.

* * *

It wasn't easy to find anyone who loved as wholeheartedly as Fili and Kili did, especially when that love was returned with each other. They may be overly demonstrative at times, but Bofur saw the depth of their affections and the trust that bonded them. It went beyond the strange show they were putting on to the discomfort of many others.

Bofur couldn't deny that he was a romantic at heart. When he saw the two of them clinging to each other in the aftermath of the storm giants, silent and unmoving, he knew that there was nothing in the world Fili and Kili cared for more than each other. Not gold, not Erebor, not even their Uncle Thorin.

He hoped silently that the two would never know true separation and that they'll live happily to the end of days.

* * *

Kili was sitting next to him as they kept watch over the crackling fire. The company was snoring away around them, each of them fast asleep.

"Perhaps it's time to stop," Fili mused, lighting his pipe.

Kili raised an eyebrow, taking his own pipe out of his mouth to give Fili a look. Fili shrugged.

"Well, alright; it is starting to get old," Kili replied. "And I think Dori's going to kill us and feed us to Smaug."

Fili chuckled. He had the exact same feeling.

"So what are we going to do? It's boring otherwise," Kili continued, making sure to keep his voice low.

Fili was silent as he thought, puffing on his pipe. The smoke rose lazily into the air, disappearing into the night. Kili did the same, eyes watching the fire.

"Let's make them squirm," Fili said, idea popping into his head.

Kili instantly looked interested. "How?"

"We'll argue," said Fili with a grin. "And then we'll wage a silent war. It'll be fake, but they won't know that. Are you up to it, brother?"

Kili grinned back, mischievous twinkle in his eye. "For you, Fili, anything."

* * *

Gandalf had to conceal a chuckle when he woke up in the morning to find Fili and Kili not speaking to each other after weeks of being inseparable. He watched as Thorin rolled his eyes and said nothing on the subject despite the wordless pleadings of the other dwarves and hobbit.

It was going to be an awkward, but entertaining day, Gandalf thought.

"Come along, don't dawdle," he called out and when Fili passed by, he smiled and winked.

Fili smiled and winked back.


End file.
